


flowers in four seasons

by bongjaehyunz



Category: Golden Child (Korea Band)
Genre: Angst, Hanahaki Disease, M/M, fluff too, i love bongbeom
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-23
Updated: 2018-03-23
Packaged: 2019-04-06 19:09:39
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,637
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14063559
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bongjaehyunz/pseuds/bongjaehyunz
Summary: jaehyun’s love was as beautiful as it was suffocating





	flowers in four seasons

Jaehyun first felt a piercing pain in his chest one day, when he was at Jibeom's studying for their midterms. Jibeom was fast asleep on a pile of books, and Jaehyun couldn't be more grateful as he gripped his chest, struggling to catch his breath again. Stumbling on his own feet as he staggered towards the washroom, he realised the pain was spreading throughout his lungs, it felt as though something was growing on his lungs, squeezing it so tightly he could barely gasp for air. With his free hand, Jaehyun pushed open the door to the washroom and started coughing hard. His recent coughing fits lasted for a few seconds, but they've become more frequent, and each lasted a longer period of time. And that one day in spring, Jaehyun coughed up his first lilac petal.

Things got worse after that day, Jaehyun often having to excuse himself from class, and ended up coughing his lungs out in the washroom. Jibeom looked upon him with worry evident in his gaze, although he wasn't sure what was going on, he passed it off as Jaehyun getting a bad cold. Jaehyun hoped and prayed that it was, as he started searching online, for the disease behind the symptoms he was facing. His hands trembled as he scrolled on his phone, all the results came up to one conclusion ー the Hanahaki disease. Often termed as the disease of one-sided love, in which the victim coughs up flower petals as they suffer from their unreciprocated love. Ranging from months to years, the development of this disease starts off with victims coughing up small petals, until the final stages of the disease whereby the victim coughs up whole flowers. Albeit a bloody scene, the flowers were beautiful and in full bloom.

Jaehyun laughed at his plight, he thought about how people said they loved their other halves ‘to death’, but he knew that they probably hadn’t meant it, at least not in the way Jaehyun was now. He coughed harder whenever Jibeom did something exceptionally sweet, like when Jibeom brought him bread, or when Jibeom walked him home. It caused Jaehyun to doubt everything more, often thinking that Jibeom only did those things because he cherished Jaehyun as a friend, and it all only made his condition worse.

Summer came soon, but before that, came their mid terms. “Could Jaehyun stay over tonight? I’d need him to go through some English with me, you know he’s the best at it.” Jibeom pouted and pleaded with his mom. His mom threw a quick glance at Jaehyun, eyes darkened with worry as Jaehyun had been coughing the entire afternoon. He couldn’t blame her though, who would want their child near a sick one, but still he felt sad and dejected. “Please mom, it’s just one night, you know the mid-terms are coming soon.” Jibeom tried his luck once more, and smiled in glee as his mother reluctantly nodded her head in agreement.

“You haven’t asked me though, if I wanted to stay.” Jaehyun joked as he unpacked his studying materials into Jibeom’s table. Jibeom walked over to him and rested his chin in his hands as he propped his elbows on the table, “You don’t want to stay? I thought you were a better friend.” He pouted and that did it, of course, all of Jaehyun’s resolve melting away with just one cute act from Jibeom. Jaehyun sighed as he nodded, “Of course I would want to... I’m your best friend, remember?” Jibeom wrapped his arms around Jaehyun’s neck as he thanked him for helping him so much to prepare for the upcoming mid-terms.

That night, Jaehyun coughed through his sleep. His lungs burned as his chest tightened from time to time. He turned over on the king sized bed, coming face to face with a soundly asleep Jibeom. Jaehyun reached over but he knew better as he stopped his hand mid-air and retracted it, “If only you knew...How cruel you are to me, but yet I can't blame you, for you do not know the truth.” The number of petals which Jaehyun coughed up increased, as the days passed, from 1, to 3, to 7 and slowly to 10, Jaehyun had hoped that he would not see a full flower that soon.

Because that would only mean that his time with Jibeom was coming to an end.

-

The flowers in autumn bloomed beautifully, and so did those in Jaehyun's lungs. Often feeling the urge to just lie down and sleep the pain away, Jaehyun cursed and swore every time the coughing fits came. Why did it have to be this way? Jaehyun had never asked for that crappy poetic love story, he just wanted Jibeom, he just wanted to love him like he had always been doing so, secretly, passionately and also... living while he was at it. He had imagined a future with Jibeom, just as friends as they were now, Jaehyun would rather have that than not having Jibeom in his life at all.

This was also the reason why he didn't even consider, for a second, to opt for the surgery which could remove the disease and cure Jaehyun once and for all. Because removing the disease would also mean removing Jaehyun's love for Jibeom, and to put in a romanticised way, Jaehyun really would rather die being in love with Jibeom, than live as an empty shell.

-

Winter came quicker than usual, with Jaehyun's condition worsening by the day. Jibeom had persuaded him time after time to get a check up at the hospital, but Jaehyun couldn't simply tell him that he was dying because he loved Jibeom, who would never look at him that way. "I'm fine." Jaehyun would brush it off the same way every time Jibeom brought it up, " Go see a doctor, please. You sound like you're about to die any moment." Jibeom chuckled, trying to lighten the mood. "You'd never know." Jaehyun muttered under his breath, relieved as Jibeom seemed to have missed that.

"Jibeom, what if one day, I told you I loved you?" Jaehyun tried to start a casual conversation, but he couldn't deny the hope that rose in him, maybe there could be a chance for him, a chance he never knew about. "I love you too, you're my best friend, of course you'd love me, and I love you too!" Jaehyun had wished that Jibeom stopped at the first sentence, maybe Jaehyun would've been cured if Jibeom hadn't clarified so much. That day, Jaehyun's coughs got a whole lot worse, the flowers were almost whole, and that was when Jaehyun knew his time was about to come to an end.

-

"Jaehyun, I have something to tell you." Jaehyun hated that a simple sentence like that could jolt him awake from his moodiness, he hated that after everything, he still had hope for his feelings to be reciprocated. Jaehyun raised his eyebrow and signalled for Jibeom to continue speaking, "I just started dating this guy from the other class, a few days back. You probably know him, Hong Joochan?"

Jaehyun felt as though his entire lungs was about to collapse under the pressure placed upon it, it seems like the flowers blooming in there have now sprouted roots that circled around Jaehyun's lungs, squeezing the air out of them. "Y-Yeah? I think I know him..." Jaehyun used whatever was left of his remaining strength to suppress the cough. His fingertips turned numb as he pressed them hard agains the wooden surface of the table in class, his palms turned clammy and cold sweat trickled down his forehead.

"He's wonderful. I think I'm in love."

Jaehyun excused himself as he rushed to the washroom, choking and gasping for air as he vomited the flowers that were blocking up his windpipe. The lilacs looked prettier than usual, blood staining the sink as Jaehyun coughed them up, but somehow, the petals were always unscathed. They were pretty, they even came with a short stem this time. How poetic, Jaehyun thought, that the flowers he coughed up were lilacs, symbolising first love, just as Jibeom was Jaehyun's.

Jaehyun knew his time was up, as he wrapped the flowers up prettily with his shaking hands. He spent some time penning down his thoughts. Writing, and re-writing, just to make sure he was able to convey his message in the right way. Letting Jibeom know his feelings, yet assuring Jibeom that he was fine, that he would be fine, after some time maybe.

-

Jibeom came back to his classroom after lunch, to find a bouquet of lilacs at his desk, along with a little envelope. He opened it and could recognize that handwriting from anywhere.

Dear Jibeom,

I hope you like the flowers, it's my last gift to you. A gift to Joochan, I might say. I'd like it if you gave it to him. Lilac symbolises the start of a new relationship, and I hope that the both of you will have a beautiful one.

I'm sorry I'm leaving without saying a proper goodbye, but just know that I'm doing well, I'll be fine. I hope I'll get to see you again, sometime in the future. Maybe our paths will cross again some day.

Thank you for letting me love you. I loved you in ways you'd never imagine. I loved you like a brother, like a best friend, and most importantly, you are my first love.

Thank you for being there for me, thank you for giving me the flowers, making them bloom inside of me, they were beautiful. But regretfully, even though they were beautiful, they are the reason why I can't breathe, just like how my love for you, was as suffocating.

Once again, I wish you happiness.

\- Bong Jaehyun


End file.
